NBN #007 | ditch people pleasing for happiness
read time: 3 minutes
1 LIFE LESSON LEARNED
an instagram reel i created yesterday had a quote that said “i’ve never met a happy person that also pleases everyone” and it resonated quite deeply.
‘cause i’ve grown up a majority of my life being a people pleaser.
i feared not being liked by people, so i would say ‘yes’ to things that i actually wanted to say ‘no’ to.
i was scared of being rejected, so i avoided conflict & (unintentionally) ghosted people.
i didn’t know how to create boundaries for myself because i didn’t know how to.
i constantly worried about what other people would think of me.
so if you notice yourself doing these same things, i feel you.
every single moment of people pleasing gave my happiness, inner peace & power away because i wasn’t putting myself first.
i wasn’t expressing my truth.
so now when i notice myself slipping into a people pleasing pattern, here are a few things that i do so i don’t repeat it moving forward:
i give myself time and space to go within and feel out if the relationship or opportunity lights me up. if it doesn’t, i give myself a chance to say ‘no’ and thank the other person for their time and for the opportunity.
i remind myself that i have a choice and anyone who doesn’t honor my choice is not aligned with me at this time. and that’s okay.
i talk to my inner child to see if they’ve felt unheard or unseen from when i’ve said no in the past. then i tell myself if’s safe and okay to say ‘no.’
i know it’s really hard, especially at first. i even had several moments this past week that were really challenging me to say no.
it’s impossible to make everyone happy - and that’s a reality i finally faced this year.
some people are going to get triggered no matter what.
and i constantly have to remind myself that’s their triggers are not my responsibility.
and they’re not yours, either.
you have a safe space to say no here.
1 BOOK QUOTE FROM A MENTOR
"the art of relationship is also a whole mastery and the only way to reach mastery is to practice.”
— don miguel ruiz, author of the mastery of love
i finished this book this week and it ended up becoming a really healing experience for me.
when we practice choosing ourselves first instead of putting ourselves on the side for others, it really does get easier every time.
get your own copy of the book here — print | ebook | audiobook
1 QUESTION & ACTIONABLE TAKEAWAY FOR YOU
next time you catch yourself wanting to say ‘yes’ when you feel like saying ‘no,’ i invite you to pause and ask yourself:
what emotions are coming up to say ‘yes’ when i actually want to say ‘no?’
until next week, beautiful!
with lots of love,
RO ♡
your fave multidisciplinary healing artist & founder of lots of love club
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1 life lesson learned
1 book quote from a mentor
1 question & actionable takeaway
